i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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