she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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