I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
