I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
