She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
