Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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