I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
