God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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