you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize