Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
