Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You've changed since you got that strap on
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
