You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
