Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
