I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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