whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
