My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
