My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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