i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
