Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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