So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
