this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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