the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
