I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
