thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
