we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
