yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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