OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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