The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
