I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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