Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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