Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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