Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
