I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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