The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
