no, he came in my armpit
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize