Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
