I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
