He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
