True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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