She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
