nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
