so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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