the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
