Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
