i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
