I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
