I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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