flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
