I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did i walk over a car last night?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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