There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
