i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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