You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
