god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
