i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
