If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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