I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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