Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
