I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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