Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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