He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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