i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Alive.
So much puke
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
