At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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