lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
