Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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