I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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