Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
