yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
